I’m planning on coming back from hiatus, but it will be slow. There are things that need to be sorted through. Other things that need a little dusting off. The posting schedule is going to be tweaked a bit, get something more manageable.
Look for new posts starting in the next week or two.
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Trans* people are often marginalized in femme spaces, and femme is often marginalized in trans* spaces, so this is our attempt to “fill the gap” and showcase femme within the trans* communities. Our aim is to be inclusive of nonbinaries and other underrepresented intersectional identities, as well.
We welcome followers of any gender, trans* status, and presentation! But we’re looking specifically to showcase the intersections of trans* identity and femme presentation among our submitters.
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What I Did, Why I Did It, and How it Went
The assignment was to do an oral presentation on our artistic identity, which is basically our experiences and personality that shape the way we express ourselves artistically. We were also supposed to talk about the themes and types of stories we want to work with. Well, I figured mentioning that I’m asexual and aromantic was a pretty good start, after all it does have an impact on the subjects I’m interested in or not interested in rather.
However, I guessed that most if not all of the people in my class would have no idea what I was talking about if I said “I’m asexual and aromantic.” So instead, I just said that I have a “lack of interest in sex or romantic relationships,” and then went on to explain that I don’t understand media with those subjects in it, can’t emphasize with it, and so probably won’t write about it. I also mentioned that I feel isolated sometimes because many people don’t understand my point of view on it.
And how did they react? Not a word. I don’t know whether I should take that as a good thing or a bad thing. It would be good if they didn’t say anything because they understood what I was trying to say. But it would be bad if they didn’t say anything because they couldn’t; we weren’t allowed to criticize others presentations, only comment on parts that we emphasized with, or that moved us, or how things in it connected, etc.
But there is one good thing that I can say about the assignment as a whole. It helped me put to words what I’ve been trying to do. I want to tell those that don’t fit others expectations that “it’s okay to be different no matter what your family or anyone else says.”
Unfortunately with the start of the semester the posts for this week have been delayed. I’ll try to get something up as soon as possible, but I still want to make sure I don’t cheat you by giving something half-assed. Once I get a feel for this semester, the posting will get back on it’s regular schedule. If a post is late, you can probably bet that I was too swamped with schoolwork.
He said: I know we’re keeping a lot of things about this blog anonymous for reasons that will be talked about it in this
rantblog soon enough, but I will impart to you, dear Reader, a very personal bit of information about myself:
I am a straight white Protestant (raised) male.
I know, that narrows down the blogosphere quite a bit, but I mention it for a number of reasons. I’ve never had to suffer the effects of overt racism or sexism or homophobia. I’ve never had much that I’ve hidden in my life. Closest I’ve come to experiencing that kind of irrational fear/hate was when I was in a play in college where the cast members wore Stars of David on their coats, and I was surprised and shocked to hear some of the anti-Semitic garbage that people felt it was okay to say to me (the fake Jew). And that was something that was more of a social experiment than anything else. I haven’t had to live day to day being in any kind of minority (unless you count fans of professional wrestling who also love showtunes).
So having said that, I feel like for the first time in my life, I have something I am in the closet about: my polyamory. I can tell you that my parents, bless their souls, would not understand, for one. I know that She is in a similar situation (and I’m sure She will elaborate in due time in her own fashion). I am also recognizing that I’ve had poly tendencies for years; I’ve had open relationships and “affairs” and all the rest of it, all considered odd miscreant behavior based on intent and/or intention. But, you know, not until I fell head over heels with my ladylove did I put two and two together (and it took me a while to do that too).
So, great and good, right? Except I had a phone convo with O (AKA the Other, a woman who’s been dancing around dating me) last night wherein she made me feel like I was doing something wrong by being in love with my girlfriend who is okay with me seeing other people.
As in, “Suddenly you’re not a priority on my social calendar because you have a girlfriend in another state…”, mentioned with dripping judgement on her lips. And I was like, um, really? The same gf that I told you about months ago? The relationship you were aware of, met the gf at a function, and still decided to call me after She left the city?
As I type this, that convo has passed and I was assured that O would see me tonight and we’d hang out and talk about it. That didn’t happen. You know who was there for me? A thousand miles away, there for me? Yep, you guessed it. My wonderful, beautiful, insanely on point ladylove. It’s not even that I need to be paid attention to 24/7. Not at all. It’s more that
a) nothing about my lifestyle is dirty or wrong
b) someone who can’t handle any form of relationship should not be judging me for my healthy one
c) not that I need another partner, but if I decide that there is someone who I enjoy in that aspect, then best believe they better get along with Her.
That lady, our beloved She Said, is the reason I’m even writing this. She makes me brave and optimistic. It’s a damn shame we have to keep things under wraps to an extent…but I guess as long as there’s a stigma (and evidently a pretty big one…can you say slut/homewrecker/whore?) attached to the poly lifestyle, I am in the closet.
It’s really roomy in here. And we have cable. The rest of you freaks should stop on by.
Can capitalism exist without its foundation of heterosexual monogamy? Is polyamory inherently revolutionary? To all these questions we must answer: capitalism is a master of recuperation. What first shakes it, soon motivates it, later strengthens it. We will never know which tactics bring it down until we try.
To rupture the consumer myth will take more than protests in the streets and boycotts of consumer goods. It’ll require a fundamental shift in the structure of society, a revocation of our libidinal investment. Whether that’ll take the form of polyamory or simply neighbors getting to know each other remains to be seen.
My sexuality is not a revolution. I do not love who I love because I want to BRING DOWN THE PATRIARCHAL CAPITALIST SYSTEM. I do it because I love those people.
True, I would like to bring down said system because it would make it easier to love those people in the way I want to love them. But my relationships are not instruments of revolution. I do not love with an ulterior motive. When my entire being swells with love for myself, my God, my lovers, my friends, my family and my life, I am not concerned with the structures that my love threatens or the revolutionary purpose it may serve. That is not the purpose or focus of love. How I choose to talk about my relationships, my language, my public identity - those can be revolutionary. But I am polyamorous because it is the healthiest and happiest thing for me, and I couldn’t care less who’s in charge or who’s winning what fight when I’m enjoying the presence of someone I love.
The patriarchal capitalist system wants to make me an object and a tool to further its own purposes. Please refrain from doing the same. I will gladly give you my words, my presence, my voice and my support to bring down an oppressive system - but you may not have my identity, you may not have my love and you may not have me. My love is not a “tactic.” I exist and love as an individual, whole and complex being - not a weapon.
This is a depressingly misguided article. When you reduce me to the way I experience and express love, and then try to claim that as a tool to achieve your end goals, you’re just as bad as the people you’re fighting.
"How old were you when you first knew you were [sexual orientation/gender identity/etc]?" This question seems to come up quite a lot when you aren’t one of the "normal" people, from queer and non-queer alike. Sometimes, people like to compare notes. Sometimes, they like using it to validate themselves or invalidate another.
It seems, that the longer you have “known,” the more people will believe you or at least take you seriously. But, people don’t like it when you are still to young to “really” know. You’ve known you’re a queer boy since you were 2? Great! You’re only 14? You might change your mind! Two groups I’ve seen this used against are trans people and asexual people. If you are trans, the younger you are when you first knew, the better. If you are ace, the older you are the better. By better, I mean more respected, both inside and outside of the communities.
In reality? People can discover themselves at any age, and identity does have fluidity. There is nothing wrong with realizing you are trans when you’re 50. Nor is there anything wrong with realizing it at 5. There’s nothing wrong with identifying with a sexual orientation even though there is a chance it might change later, and there is nothing wrong with it not changing either!
Life isn’t black and white, and much of what we experience can’t be properly explained. How does one explain what it feels like to be a boy or a girl or something else? What does attraction feel like? What happens when something you’ve never felt before comes to the surface? Is what you feel really like what someone else feels? If we can’t answer these questions, and have everyone agree, how can we even think to judge someone else’s experiences?